Dear friends,

I am having a major bad time now which makes blogging so difficult at the moment. There's an awful mess that I am trying to sort now in my life. When things have been sorted out I will, God willing, return to blogging actively again. Until then, silence. I do, however, visit the blogs I enjoy but sadly, I am in no shape to talk about things right now. Pray that all the cobwebs in my life could be cleared.

Thanks

Happy Gawai n Everything in between

This is just a short post since everyone is asking me to update.

(SEE... I'm updating now)

everything that happened the last few centuries (days, months, whatever):

arguments
anger
fun
frustration
communication breakdown
birth
death,death,death
travel
shopping
busy
work
work
test
self-inflicted accidents
pain


and NO, didn't have Gawai. I spent my Gawai 'nyenggai antu'.
Only visited Grace n Fred today.

That's it till now :)

p.s: Sorry, my mood ran out with my inspiration. Haven't return yet.

QUESTIONS

Lately, I've been thinking about life in general. I've encountered lots of interesting stuff. I've moved further in this journey of self discovery and as to knowing the purpose of my life. Am I destined for great things, or am I forever doomed to being stuck in a dreary life. To be the PERSON or to be the doormat.

Am I happy?
Yes, but.
It's always a YES, BUT answer. I am happy, but not content.

Why am I not content?
I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out.

Everyone wants a great career, earn major moolahs and have the jetset lifestyle most would envy. But what if, the small voice in me asks, what if when you're there, after all the things you do to get there, you realize that you don't really want this? That all you wanted is something simpler. Something that you actually enjoy doing.

But what? I don't know.

If you know, tell me.

CATS & MUM (Last time, u won't hear this in the same sentence)

I don't know what got to my mum now. She used to HATE cats. She used to send my cats flying whenever the poor creature enter her room or *gasp* God forbid, make itself comfy on her bed. But now... She takes another kitten into the house. She did raised our (whole family's) eyebrow when she first brought a kitten she named Pussie. That's okay, but getting two kittens in a row??!!! My my... She even manja-manja the cats now.
(By the way, she refuses to be acknowledged as the owner of the kittens. Tak nak mengaku. If we insist, she'll give away the kittens. Sanggup tu...)

Maybe this starts when I brought my fat cat, Emperor Kechik, last year. Dad and her adores Kechik. Soon, Dad owns another kitten I took from Kuching, a black with white spots we named Chomot (This cat we bagi nama elok2 she tak mau. When my Mum called her Chomot she quickly responded)

So now we owned FOUR cats (and Mum already thinks of picking up another. Noooooo... cause I want to take one from Kuching. A cute one with grey eyes. But to own four, five or six cats???? Susah Oooo. Because my cats don't go outdoors. Got one 'samseng' cat always terrorize the others cats and last time my cat, Chimi, was kidnapped (catnapped). Also it will be crowded and I will be bankrupt just buying the catfood :(

My mum's darling, Pussie, she'll scratch my mum's chair when mum's not around. When Mum's there, she'l sit demurely and lick herself clean. Pandai mengampu punya kucing. She cute tho'. Cute and silly. Hahaha. (But don't tell Mum I said that :p )

UNIMAS Memories (Undergrad Years)

The Gangs:::

• The SK gang: Me, Zabri, Kak Mah, Shah, Indra P(Bapak), Indra S, WengChin (I swear his brains talks in binary), JohnGagakHitam, Godak, Ayeng, Adeq, Azean, Milah, Khairul (Kambing), ChewYing(Amoi), KuanYin, SokFeng, MengWei, Wilson (ProfWilson), Irene, Jerry Ooi, Firman (AChong), Aliester. We were the craziest, rowdiest and most gila creative-outa-our-head bunch of SK students. Our lecturer always remembered us because of that. We were a small group and so we were close. Our motto was: Kita masuk sama-sama, Kita grad sama-sama. Meaning, we will help each other and make sure no one gets left behind. *isk* I miss those times of camaraderie. Sure, we did have some internal crisis within the group but in the end, we'll still overcome it.
• My Housemates: Miena (my best friend), Helen, Mami, Hetty (dunno where she is now), Fairuz, PoLin and some others who were either unmemorable enough or they managed to piss me off beyond help. Miena is still the best one. She's the one to care for me when I have fever (I often get those during my undergrad years), masak bubur, beli ikan goreng. That's why I love her lots :)
• My gang : Angel, Ina, SooWai. We were crazy then. The booze and the ciggie bonding time. Although I kinda fell out with one cause I felt unappreciated and taken advantage of. And she knows I am not one to sit still and let her get away with it. Will we get over that, I don't know.
• My Moginum gang: Juliana (JoJoe), Miena. Aramaiti! Damai Jom!!!

The Places:::

• Kolej Sri Muara: The best place to stay! Conveniently situated and *ahem* very suitable for my aramaiti sessions. huhahahah. My housemate bawak TV, fridge, cooking stove & gas cylinders. Wah! Heaven la.
• Kolej Kenyalang (Previously Kolej Sebayor, Now it's Kolej Tun Ahmad Zaidi) : Sucks BIG TIME!!! I used to dub it as Penjara Wanita Sebayor cause that's what it felt like. We were in the middle of nowhere, no transport, all girls (bosan girls who dunno what seronok fun is). Only my aramaiti sessions kept me sane there. They were constructing the new campus nearby so it was a dusty hell.
• PohonMas : Ok food. I liked the owner, Aunty. She is very friendly and warm. But when one got out from the pace, everyone will know that you went there cause you'll have that PohonMas smell.
• FoodCourt : Used to love the Indian stall - heavenly mutton curry, but they closed already. Uncle Chinese food also great- his son always give me extra & cheap. :p But need to know how to avoid the rush hour la.
• Pasara Bookstore: Deng & Barth!!! These two rocks. My friends also. Loved to kutuk2 Barth..muahahaha

The *ahems* I did::: (Hopefully Dad doesn't read this.ever)

• Escape Class : My coursemates call me the Expert. Not that I view it as ponteng but think of it as self-paced-constructive-study. Cause if the 3-hour class just give me what I can get myself from the book, in say 1 hour, then the time is better spent on other pursuits like makan or sleeping. Despite being a slacker extraordinaire, I did manage to get very good grades. It's all about strategies and smart studying habits, boys and girls. :p
• Aramaiti Sessions
• Ciggie : Now quit already la!

----- to be continued

My Easter weekend

Happy belated Easter everyone! Be glad and rejoice for He is risen!

My Easter weekend are messy events of sorts. Went back to my kampung on Friday evening, reached there around 7 pm. After dinner (cold, cause we ran out of cooking gas), Dad went to the next bilik to visit my 'aya bilik sepiak' (next door uncle) who was not well. He's been unwell for quite some time already. Suddenly it got worse and he was coughing and vomiting blood. Dad and few others rushed him to Sibu Hospital. When they got back, Dad told us that 'aya' was admitted into the ICU. His BP was more than 200 and his lungs was collapsing.

The next morning went to visit my ancestors' graves. I brought flowers for my grandpa(aki Minde' / aki Enggit), great-grandpa(aki Giri), great-grandma(ini Nyipan), my dad's lil sisters, my favourite granduncle(aki Jugam) and my elder sister (we always refer to her as Kakak). Cleaned the area and prayed for their souls. The atmosphere at the burial grounds was so merry and crowded, it's almost like a fiesta. Visited my other relatives' graves as well.

Later, we returned home to Bintangor. Was so tired but I went for the Easter Vigil. Had dinner and then went to bed. zzZZZZZzzzz. The next morning, after Easter Mass, my cousin (aya bilik sepiak's son) called Dad to tell that my uncle got worse suddenly even though he was improving before that. Went to visit him in the ICU ward, he was no longer using respiratory support system but he was rather delirious. Cousin said that the Doctor told that aya had no chance for full recovery and his lungs,kidney,heart is failing. He can't even use I.V. drips or recieve blood transfusion as his veins is collapsed. Yesterday, he was transferred into the male ward and discharged today.He's still weak but at least he can down some fluids. Kasih meda iya merinsa baka nya :(

When we reached home that night, I was so tired that I slept before 10pm. It was a tiring weekend with mixture of emotions. I learnt also that another uncle (aya selang 3 bilik -Aya Umau) is suffering from bone cancer. Aduh! He's going for chemoteraphy next month if I am not wrong.