Reading her entry about giving second chances in relationship makes me reminisce on my own experience. She said that we girls always keep the door half-open even when we say that we are ending it. We believe in the miracle called second chances. Somehow things are going to work this time around.
Oh, we'll make it this time.
It will work out fine this time.
He's truly sorry. Surely he'll change.
You know, just like the time when...
You thought he was the one. The person that'll hold your hand as you walk the journey of life. You started as the best of friends until one day, you looked at each other and decided that the 'next step' is naturally the most natural thing to do. So you embark on the path of coupledom. You went on to experience the usual stuffs that couples have (well at least I think all couples went through this), you had our fair share of happy moments, tender moments as well as the ocassional bumpy rides. But you kept on. That's the beauty of infatuation really, you'll overlook all the weaknesses that exists. You're in love with being in love.
As time goes on, then you'll start seeing the cracks that were there. You start to think about the structure of your relationship. Is it stable? Is the foundation strong enough to balance the differences? You'll start seeing the bad and ugly side of that person. Yet, you still hang on to the relationship. For whatever reasons that you couldn't recall now.
Then suddenly, the fantasy ended. The beautiful dreams are snatched away from you. You're devastated, broken and hollow. Slowly you re-learn the life you had before you had him. slowly but surely, you began to pick up the pieces of your life.
Just when you started to move on, he came knocking at the door. No, u said, the door is locked. but he persists. begging. pleading. crying for forgiveness. oh, just to give him another chance. telling you what a fool he was for letting go a gem like you. Keeping the door half open, when you said that it was closed, you accepted him.
This time around, you've learned your lesson. You kept your expectations to a minimum, sacrificed your time to help him, please him, learned to accept the 'silence' sometimes. Despite all that, it's still hard. It hard when you do all the giving and yet, takes little in return. It's hard when you have to change, no, morph into something that you're not. But, very sure that this time, yes, this time it will work, you kept your optimism intact. Somehow, it's going to work. It must!
Then, again, the day came for him to tell you, sorry darling, this just wouldn't work. No no. It's not you. It's just me. and so on...
maybe this time around, you sort of saw it coming. You were prepared for it and were not hurt. Maybe it just stings a little. Whatever his reasons were, it simply didn't matter anymore. But since you've lost faith in him and the relationship, you let him go gladly. This time, you shed few tears. More out of anger to yourself and your stupidity than despair.
Or maybe you'll be even more broken. angry. mad. revengeful. bitter. and perhaps you imagine a thousand and one ways to make him suffer a horrible slow death.
but eventually, you move on. trust me.
Did it happen to me? Yes.
What happened to both of us now, you might want to ask.
We are still friends, though I kept it at a distance. He's always welcome if he wants to share about his problems, but I'll still keep my distance. No more frequent miss calls or SMSes. His number is filed under 'friends' and not 'special' anymore. My life has expanded into wider circle of friends, and I've spring cleaned my friendships, weeding out all the weeds, parasites and taking care of the genuine ones. But he's still there, albeit being a less active participant in my life, and I sorta like it that way.
Most importantly, I've learned to forgive and forget...and to forget about giving chances anymore. In the future, I'll close the door, permanently, to any more second chances.
My advice:
Men, you have only one shot at it. Use the chance wisely. There might be no doors to knock later.
Women, you have a choice. To be optimistic or to be real. Keep it open, keep it closed. It's your call.
Me, I move on. ^____^
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