Do we really know ourself? like real deep down inside to know your 'essence'? I like to say that I do but as it goes, the more I peel the layers, the more I realized that I don't really know me. As I said before, people are like matrushka dolls. There's always another layer underneath that layer.
And I'm not talking about what you do as in "I'm a student/husband(wife) of so-so/doctor/lawyer/etc. I'm talking about the real you. What's your essence?
What is real in life?
Who am I?
Who are you?
Friday, November 26, 2004
NEW HOME SWEET HOME
I've returned to campus. Busy chaotic life resumes. Haven't started class yet and I am already busy. Starting next week, class will start and so will job. Everyday will be lab-demo-ing for 1st year kids. *sigh* which means lesser times spent in lab. also, this semester i will start doing my research: getting a supervisor nuts enough to accept me, think of a topic, prepare the proposal, getting it rejected, revising, yadda, yadda, yadda. *sigh*
Uhm... off-track pulak. I've moved to a new house. Single storey terraced. Still in DI. Staying in a single bedroom. I can't share. Not because I don't like company but that I sleep late (2 a.m. is still early by my standards), so i don't think it is wise to have a roomie. My ex-roomie and I had a tough time because of this.
Members of the household: Yours truly, Alex, Sam, Nanie, Made and Biscuit (the dog), Bijou (the Hamster), Kura2 (the tortoise). Biscuit the over-excited-hyper-attention craving-oversized puppy will be leaving soon so maybe we'll get a cat instead.Hmmm....
Hungry... need food... gotta go
Uhm... off-track pulak. I've moved to a new house. Single storey terraced. Still in DI. Staying in a single bedroom. I can't share. Not because I don't like company but that I sleep late (2 a.m. is still early by my standards), so i don't think it is wise to have a roomie. My ex-roomie and I had a tough time because of this.
Members of the household: Yours truly, Alex, Sam, Nanie, Made and Biscuit (the dog), Bijou (the Hamster), Kura2 (the tortoise). Biscuit the over-excited-hyper-attention craving-oversized puppy will be leaving soon so maybe we'll get a cat instead.Hmmm....
Hungry... need food... gotta go
WHAT MY NAME SAYS
NAME ANALYSIS FOR: Chris**** Andria A******
Chris****:
You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You try to be prudent. You have good business acumen. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life.
Andria:
You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You have a discriminating nature coupled with perseverance and family pride. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You have a need to be up front.
A******:
You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You need to learn faith in place of fear. You need to learn the true value of material possessions. You have a natural protection in life. You are always saved - especially from yourself. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. Your independence and freedom are important to you.
Try it here
Hmm... Is it true? Do I believe it? Somehow I do but to a certain degree, maybe say 49% or 70% or...
Chris****:
You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You try to be prudent. You have good business acumen. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life.
Andria:
You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You have a discriminating nature coupled with perseverance and family pride. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You have a need to be up front.
A******:
You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You need to learn faith in place of fear. You need to learn the true value of material possessions. You have a natural protection in life. You are always saved - especially from yourself. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. Your independence and freedom are important to you.
Try it here
Hmm... Is it true? Do I believe it? Somehow I do but to a certain degree, maybe say 49% or 70% or...
Sunday, November 21, 2004
WANTED! A DIGITAL CAMERA
Wanted! A digital camera that won't cost me an arm or a leg.
Any suggestions?
Budget is under RM600.
Thank you.
Any suggestions?
Budget is under RM600.
Thank you.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
I edited my previous post.
To YOU
YOU
and YOU,
lucky you. You read the unedited version.
To the clueless you out there, you're wondering, What on earth made me edit my previous post, and what was it that i wrote that I have to review and edit it? That, my dear, I leave to your imagination.
Maybe you'd think that I've suddenly developed a fear of speaking out my mind, of being dead honest. You're wrong. It's just that my brand of honesty needs a steel heart to digest. and that might be more than what YOU, YOU and maybe YOU could take. So I gave YOU a watered down version, a wee bit diluted, but the punch remains. Sort of hits you like a gloved fist. Soft but hard. not to give you a vicious hang-over, but maybe just a lil' bit of bitter taste in your mouth and a soft pounding in your head.
and YOU, yeah YOU... shaking your head and asking wtf am I saying, just forget it. I'm not talking about you.
I'm just being me. Sarcastically honest temperamental me.
To YOU
YOU
and YOU,
lucky you. You read the unedited version.
To the clueless you out there, you're wondering, What on earth made me edit my previous post, and what was it that i wrote that I have to review and edit it? That, my dear, I leave to your imagination.
Maybe you'd think that I've suddenly developed a fear of speaking out my mind, of being dead honest. You're wrong. It's just that my brand of honesty needs a steel heart to digest. and that might be more than what YOU, YOU and maybe YOU could take. So I gave YOU a watered down version, a wee bit diluted, but the punch remains. Sort of hits you like a gloved fist. Soft but hard. not to give you a vicious hang-over, but maybe just a lil' bit of bitter taste in your mouth and a soft pounding in your head.
and YOU, yeah YOU... shaking your head and asking wtf am I saying, just forget it. I'm not talking about you.
I'm just being me. Sarcastically honest temperamental me.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
2nd CHANCES - KEEPING THE DOOR OPEN -edited
Reading her entry about giving second chances in relationship makes me reminisce on my own experience. She said that we girls always keep the door half-open even when we say that we are ending it. We believe in the miracle called second chances. Somehow things are going to work this time around.
Oh, we'll make it this time.
It will work out fine this time.
He's truly sorry. Surely he'll change.
You know, just like the time when...
You thought he was the one. The person that'll hold your hand as you walk the journey of life. You started as the best of friends until one day, you looked at each other and decided that the 'next step' is naturally the most natural thing to do. So you embark on the path of coupledom. You went on to experience the usual stuffs that couples have (well at least I think all couples went through this), you had our fair share of happy moments, tender moments as well as the ocassional bumpy rides. But you kept on. That's the beauty of infatuation really, you'll overlook all the weaknesses that exists. You're in love with being in love.
As time goes on, then you'll start seeing the cracks that were there. You start to think about the structure of your relationship. Is it stable? Is the foundation strong enough to balance the differences? You'll start seeing the bad and ugly side of that person. Yet, you still hang on to the relationship. For whatever reasons that you couldn't recall now.
Then suddenly, the fantasy ended. The beautiful dreams are snatched away from you. You're devastated, broken and hollow. Slowly you re-learn the life you had before you had him. slowly but surely, you began to pick up the pieces of your life.
Just when you started to move on, he came knocking at the door. No, u said, the door is locked. but he persists. begging. pleading. crying for forgiveness. oh, just to give him another chance. telling you what a fool he was for letting go a gem like you. Keeping the door half open, when you said that it was closed, you accepted him.
This time around, you've learned your lesson. You kept your expectations to a minimum, sacrificed your time to help him, please him, learned to accept the 'silence' sometimes. Despite all that, it's still hard. It hard when you do all the giving and yet, takes little in return. It's hard when you have to change, no, morph into something that you're not. But, very sure that this time, yes, this time it will work, you kept your optimism intact. Somehow, it's going to work. It must!
Then, again, the day came for him to tell you, sorry darling, this just wouldn't work. No no. It's not you. It's just me. and so on...
maybe this time around, you sort of saw it coming. You were prepared for it and were not hurt. Maybe it just stings a little. Whatever his reasons were, it simply didn't matter anymore. But since you've lost faith in him and the relationship, you let him go gladly. This time, you shed few tears. More out of anger to yourself and your stupidity than despair.
Or maybe you'll be even more broken. angry. mad. revengeful. bitter. and perhaps you imagine a thousand and one ways to make him suffer a horrible slow death.
but eventually, you move on. trust me.
Did it happen to me? Yes.
What happened to both of us now, you might want to ask.
We are still friends, though I kept it at a distance. He's always welcome if he wants to share about his problems, but I'll still keep my distance. No more frequent miss calls or SMSes. His number is filed under 'friends' and not 'special' anymore. My life has expanded into wider circle of friends, and I've spring cleaned my friendships, weeding out all the weeds, parasites and taking care of the genuine ones. But he's still there, albeit being a less active participant in my life, and I sorta like it that way.
Most importantly, I've learned to forgive and forget...and to forget about giving chances anymore. In the future, I'll close the door, permanently, to any more second chances.
My advice:
Men, you have only one shot at it. Use the chance wisely. There might be no doors to knock later.
Women, you have a choice. To be optimistic or to be real. Keep it open, keep it closed. It's your call.
Me, I move on. ^____^
Oh, we'll make it this time.
It will work out fine this time.
He's truly sorry. Surely he'll change.
You know, just like the time when...
You thought he was the one. The person that'll hold your hand as you walk the journey of life. You started as the best of friends until one day, you looked at each other and decided that the 'next step' is naturally the most natural thing to do. So you embark on the path of coupledom. You went on to experience the usual stuffs that couples have (well at least I think all couples went through this), you had our fair share of happy moments, tender moments as well as the ocassional bumpy rides. But you kept on. That's the beauty of infatuation really, you'll overlook all the weaknesses that exists. You're in love with being in love.
As time goes on, then you'll start seeing the cracks that were there. You start to think about the structure of your relationship. Is it stable? Is the foundation strong enough to balance the differences? You'll start seeing the bad and ugly side of that person. Yet, you still hang on to the relationship. For whatever reasons that you couldn't recall now.
Then suddenly, the fantasy ended. The beautiful dreams are snatched away from you. You're devastated, broken and hollow. Slowly you re-learn the life you had before you had him. slowly but surely, you began to pick up the pieces of your life.
Just when you started to move on, he came knocking at the door. No, u said, the door is locked. but he persists. begging. pleading. crying for forgiveness. oh, just to give him another chance. telling you what a fool he was for letting go a gem like you. Keeping the door half open, when you said that it was closed, you accepted him.
This time around, you've learned your lesson. You kept your expectations to a minimum, sacrificed your time to help him, please him, learned to accept the 'silence' sometimes. Despite all that, it's still hard. It hard when you do all the giving and yet, takes little in return. It's hard when you have to change, no, morph into something that you're not. But, very sure that this time, yes, this time it will work, you kept your optimism intact. Somehow, it's going to work. It must!
Then, again, the day came for him to tell you, sorry darling, this just wouldn't work. No no. It's not you. It's just me. and so on...
maybe this time around, you sort of saw it coming. You were prepared for it and were not hurt. Maybe it just stings a little. Whatever his reasons were, it simply didn't matter anymore. But since you've lost faith in him and the relationship, you let him go gladly. This time, you shed few tears. More out of anger to yourself and your stupidity than despair.
Or maybe you'll be even more broken. angry. mad. revengeful. bitter. and perhaps you imagine a thousand and one ways to make him suffer a horrible slow death.
but eventually, you move on. trust me.
Did it happen to me? Yes.
What happened to both of us now, you might want to ask.
We are still friends, though I kept it at a distance. He's always welcome if he wants to share about his problems, but I'll still keep my distance. No more frequent miss calls or SMSes. His number is filed under 'friends' and not 'special' anymore. My life has expanded into wider circle of friends, and I've spring cleaned my friendships, weeding out all the weeds, parasites and taking care of the genuine ones. But he's still there, albeit being a less active participant in my life, and I sorta like it that way.
Most importantly, I've learned to forgive and forget...and to forget about giving chances anymore. In the future, I'll close the door, permanently, to any more second chances.
My advice:
Men, you have only one shot at it. Use the chance wisely. There might be no doors to knock later.
Women, you have a choice. To be optimistic or to be real. Keep it open, keep it closed. It's your call.
Me, I move on. ^____^
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