Thoughts: To Hold and To Let Go (Parents vs Children)

I've been thinking about this for quite some time but never had the opportunity to put it into words.

Parents and child. That's family and the family ties and the bond that was forged since Day 1 (of birth or conception) is a bond that's never broken. As the Malay saying goes, 'air dicincang takkan putus'. In a family there's a role played by parents and also the child, but as time passes and the child grows, the roles changed and shifted accordingly as the child becomes even more independent. Parents start to become less of an authority figure who dictates what is to be done and becomes more as an advisor.

But what happens when parents refuse to let go? When they feel threatened if their child becomes independent? When they still fight for their say in everything and insisted everything to be done 'their' way?

Tensions will surely flare. There's disharmony and resentment on both sides.

I know that some will say this "Chris, you are not a mother yet. If not, you will understand how we feel."

Yes you're right. I'm not a mother yet and I might not understand some of the 'mother's reasoning' I've heard my entire life. But I'm speaking from my point of view, a rather objective one it is.

Some parents will say, "I just want to protect my child from pain!"
If parents can still recall how it was when their toddler learn how to walk, how was the experience? I believe the poor tot would have stumbled, tripped and suffered a few bumps along the way before being able to walk. If you stopped them from taking those baby steps because you didn't want them to fall and get hurt, then the poor child will never walk. Crippled from too much love.
Same goes for when the child is all grown up. Whether we realize this or not, pain makes us stronger both mentally and emotionally. If parents protected their child too much up to the point where they have a say everything, then their child will be crippled. Again, from too much love.

Some parents will say, "I don't want them to make mistakes in their life!"
How infallible will your judgment be then? None of us knows what lies in the future. Being told how to live life is similar to having a backseat driver. It's annoying for the child and after a while they'll get sick of it. When they get sick of it, they rebel and when they do, that's when they become reckless.
What usually happened (based on my observation) is that, children who are brought up by over-controlling parents are usually the ones more reckless in their decisions. I've seen a lot of this happening in college and uni. They can lie through their teeth without breaking a sweat if their parents asked.
Mistakes can and do happen. There's no doubt about that. What we must do is not to dwell too much on that but to focus on learning so that it will not happen again. When the child is still a toddler, they must learn to understand that there's consequences for every action. Responsibility and independence should be given little by little over the years so that when they are young adults, they are ready and prepared to be responsible for their own life.

Some parents say, "Oh no, my little son/girl is with someone and I don't think that person is good enough for him/her!"
Parents, this is easy. Reflect on how it was for you when you and your partner was dating or planning to get married. How did you know you made a good decision? The fact is, we don't. We put our faith in something we believe and we made the effort.
Have faith in your child's judgment. And pray for them. And remember that your parents-in-laws may have the same reservations about you at the beginning :-)

So, whether we like it or not, at a certain point parents have to let go of their child. Let them live life. The measure of a parents' success is not how much money their child earns or what big shot jobs they do but what kind of person or parents their children in turn will be.