Flashback 2009

2009 was a tumultuous year for me.

It started on a very bad note and every day was a personal hell of a struggle for me. At that time, it seemed like the dark days are going to remain forever.Only my closest friends knew the nitty-gritty details. These bunch of friends are privy to my most personal thoughts and feelings and they were my pillar of strength during those days. I am truly blessed to have them as my closest, bestest friends. Love you lots girls!

Life were truly hell during those days and yet at work I continued to be the same cheerful, upbeat person. Work was the only place I can escape the pain since being busy kept me from wallowing in misery. Everyone who knew me at work saw me joking and laughing as hard as ever but in reality, I was crying in my heart. I laughed because I believed that by laughing and joking, I could chase the blues away. I guess it worked as slowly but surely, I started to feel better albeit only at work.

The moment I reached home, the pain returns. The hurt of seeing objects that reminds me of the most painful, heartbreaking moment of my life. It hurt.

My room became my sanctuary. I kept to myself, keeping all communications at home to the absolute minimum. I was building my defences, anything to prevent from being hurt again. At times I wondered if things will ever get better at home...

And it did.

Slowly but things did change.

I know I changed. I became more assertive. I fought for what I believe in. Never been a stubborn one in the family and definitely not one to go against others, my change caught my family by surprise.

Promising signs are showing now, and I'm happy to see it.

I'm finally nearing the light at the end of the tunnel. It ain't over yet, but soon... soon, I will find my bliss.

To my dear readers,

Happy New Year 2010
May the coming year brings blessings, happiness, success, love and prosperity into our lives.
God bless!

xoxo
Chris AnakApai

Snapshots: Perfect

Aaaahhh... Look at the expression on that cat's face. Pure unadulterated satisfaction. The day is just perfect for a snooze or two, with the light breeze and the stillness broken only by the chattering of the birds.

That's the thing I love most about this place, it's very peaceful and serene. It's not like the place where I'm living with lots of people all cramped together into a housing area. Truth be told, I seldom get out of the house unless I am going somewhere else. To see me walking around in the housing area? Not very likely, almost impossible.

I hate the noise and the lack of privacy. I hate the makcik pengumpat groups who always mengumpat at the back alley behind my room. I hate the fact that I can hear my neighbours fart (and that they can probably hear mine. LOL!). I hate it.

If I have my way, I'd love to stay somewhere like here. Maybe it's because I grew up living in government quarters back in Kapit years ago. Maybe somehow, it got ingrained in me that THIS is the way to be. Someone once told me, rugi buat rumah sendiri. Nanti nak jual tak laku. But for me, once I have the house of my dreams, buat apa nak jual?

One day.

One day I'll stay in the house of my dreams.

In the meantime, whenever I feel the urge to getaway, I'll come here. :-)

p/s: Updated my photoblog

Random Musings & Thoughts

Kepercayaan itu bagai bebola kaca
Sekali kau hempaskan,
ia hancur berderai.
Biar kau mampu cantumkan semua serpihan itu,
walau zahirnya ianya tampak sama persis sebelumnya,
kau harus sedar...
Rasanya tetap berbeza...

~20.10.2009~
driving back from work.

**************************************

Dari awal aku sudah syak-wasangka,
tapi aku tidak mahu prasangka,
meski petanda jelas depan mata,
patut la rajin bertanya & menyapa...
Rupa2 nya kau ada agenda....
Hari ini terungkai segala rahsia,
Bila sms kau ku terima,
Rupa2nya kau ingin membawa,
aku join 'SKIM CEPAT KAYA'...
Hahaha

~21.10.2009~

To Be A Child

If I could be a child

But for a day

Oh, what a day it would be

To be young and carefree

To play and be merry

To laugh and be happy

Chasing butterflies

That flutters by

Lying on the grass

Watching the clouds sailing by

Searching for dragons and castles

And warriors in battles

Among those giant cotton balls

To jump in the rain

Those puddles of delights

Oh, to see the wonders

Through a child’s eyes

If only to be a child

But for a day

Chris Anakapai

August 2009

~ A poem I wrote while I was invigilating examinations.

I believe that, at least once in our life, we long to experience the innocence of our childhood again. To relive the memories we hold so dear in our hearts. The childish games, be it wading through puddles or the rough and tumble play that seemed never ending. A time when we were still unfazed by life. Where there were no worries other than making sure we never miss any episode of Gaban/Ultraman/Maero Attack or if Mum's cooking another vege feast. An age when trusting others is so easy. When every day is an adventure itself.

If given a chance, what childhood memory would you like to relive?

p/s: 500th post! Woots!!!

Thoughts: Why Do I Blog?

opps.. eee...boring lah maca blok urang tu...nadai tuju bah..

Details

2009-08-20 9:39 AM

A comment left sometime yesterday by an anonymous visitor (using the nickname opps) on my shoutbox left me with quite a mixed reaction.

I was

Surprised: The fact that someone other than my blogger friends IS actually reading MY blog.

Peeved: The fact that the visitor took the cowardice approach of hiding behind a nickname without even an e-mail link.

Amused: The fact that MY blog bothered this person so much that he/she left a comment that he/she found reading MY blog bored the hell outta him/her.

Well, all I can say to you Mr/Ms Opps is that, I blog for myself.

I repeat, MYSELF.

I don't blog for commercial purposes and I don't aim to entertain. I just write because I find it therapeutic. A way for me to seek clarity of mind.

Watch out! I'm thinking.

When I first started this blog 5 years ago (what?! A 'bosan' blog like this can last for that long?! Die already lah you!), I was recovering from a failed relationship. This acted as a sanctuary for me where I can seek refuge and healing. Back then my readership was something like only 3 (or was it 4?) readers, yours truly included. So you see, it wasn't fame or popularity that I aim for.

I write for ME.

Then came the new visitors. I met wonderful people like Junaidix, Carneyz, Cuthess, Puteri and a few more, and from leaving comments on each other's blog, we became online friends. We shared our stories, our good/bad days and we cheered each other up. We SHARED and we CARED. From being merely online friends, I've come to know them in the real world. I became friends with bloggers like Cuthess, Grace, Puteri, Lyana, Coki, Flo, Ubek, Arthur@SuiTuaPui, and then some more (you guys know who you are). So, from being merely a place for my verbal diarrhoea, this blog has evolved into an avenue for me to meet new friends and renew old acquaintances (and even meet a few relatives along the way, like my uncle Desmond).

My blogger turned real life friends / best friends (Cuthess and Grace)

Lyana and Ms Coki who I've recently met and discovered to be as hillarious as their online persona (photo credits to Puteri)

Now, I don't know why they visit my blog: maybe they find it interesting (Good heavens! Really???) or maybe it's just something like a habit. I don't know, you ask them.

But still I write for ME.

If you have bothered to read all my posts (caution though, your eyes might bleed from all that reading), you will notice that in the 5 (unbelievable?!!) years, my writing has somehow evolved. Changed. Be it good or bad, I don't know. I can't kiss my own ass you see. How to puji diri sendiri? Silap-silap syok sendiri pulak.

Sometimes I write about work, life, friends and the occassional rants. I write about everything.

Because I write for ME.

I don't believe in creating a blog where I only put up posts 'copied and pasted' from other sites. A blog that aims only to entertain. And I certainly don't believe in pasting semi-naked pictures of myself to accompany my posts. Yeah, I know that it might gain me more visitors and boosts the readership but for what? It's not the quantity that matters, but quality. Even if I get a lot of readers but they don't give a hoot as to what I am writing, I'd trade the numbers any time for a few readers who really cared enough to find the story behind the writings. To know who I am instead of just another blog to hop in and out of.

They've been reading my 'crappy blog' for years

Because I blog for ME.

And guess what?

It will continue.

p/s:
Now I have no idea whether Mr/Ms Opps will read/is reading this post but anyway, thanks to him/her, I'm inspired to share my thoughts on blogging.
Or maybe he/she won't read it.
Maybe my 'blok' is boring because I wrote in English. Dang that!

Thoughts: The Physics of Gossip

"The smaller the place; The more vicious the gossips will be"

Image taken from here

Gossip. Juicy news about others. Whether it's true or not, who cares? All the gossip aficionados care is how 'hot' the news is. They don't care about its damaging potential to the person they're gossiping about. All they want is to savor every delicious morsel of gossip.

What triggered my interest to blog about this? Well, things that I've observed over the years, of course. Not quite so long ago a friend was a target of gossip. Her story became hot fodder up to a point that it sickens me.

Why do people gossip? Harmless gossip is fine, but I really hate the ones that are malicious and only serves to destroy others. So, let me talk/rant about these malicious story-spreaders. I think these people gossip because they are deeply insecure. You see, insecurity breeds jealousy and in turn, jealousy breeds gossip. Maybe they feel threatened by their target and a direct confrontation may not be feasible so what better way is there to hurt that person than spreading lies about him/her?

When another friend came to me to talk about the gossip being passed around about her I sympathized with her. "I've been there a few times myself babe", I told her. Just that over the years, I've learned to protect myself from being a target. To avoid being a target, we must understand the psyche of the people around us. Some places I've been to can't accept friendship between people of opposite sex, friendship that is totally platonic. Some places label cheerful, friendly and outgoing girls as 'fast'. Such narrow-minded views, isn't it? So over here, I'm not close with any male colleagues (unless they're family) and anyway, I am already as weird as anyone could get so they'll just ignore my eccentricities.

How should we deal with this problem? For me, I don't entertain gossips. People pass juicy tales to me, it ends with me. Honestly, I have better things to do with my brain. There are more mentally-stimulating things out there to do than dwell in gossips. When people gossip about me, I'll just shrug it off (unless it's too serious that it affects my loved ones). Be unfazed about it all, eventually the gossip will die on its own. Also it helps that if one is a very frank person. Tak pasal-pasal kena tanya point-blank dengan aku karang. LOL!

Anyway, I believe in karmic retribution. One day, they will get a taste of their own medicine. Who knows?

Teacher Talk: Overworked & Underpaid?

Image taken from here

That's some of my colleagues main gripe about our job. The mound and piles of work never decreases and the incessant demands made by everyone up, down, right and left never seems to cease. The pressures of the job do get to some of the best of us sometimes. Couple that with the needs of modern living, it can be overwhelming at times.

Honestly for me, I'm not asking for a five or six-figure paycheck, just reduce the non-teaching related duties and responsibilities so I would have the time to focus on what I want to do: Teaching.

Sometimes having all these 'extra' duties make me feel as if I'm short-changing my students. I feel I could do much better than what I'm doing. Some say I'm doing a great job so far but at what expense? Juggling all these things isn't really a walk in the park. It takes a toll on my health and quality of life. I'm constantly tired and not getting enough rest is making things worse. My back hurts. I don't want to be in physiotherapy again.

Being multi-skilled can be a curse and blessing at the same time. A blessing because one will be able to handle any task but a curse because this means that one is stuck for life doing those tasks day in and day out. Macam orang lain tak dapat buat kerja tu. Tak dapat or tak nak?

Diluah mati emak, ditelan mati bapak.
Tolak tugasan menjemput bahana, terima pula diri merana.
Alahai cikgu!

Thoughts: To Hold and To Let Go (Parents vs Children)

I've been thinking about this for quite some time but never had the opportunity to put it into words.

Parents and child. That's family and the family ties and the bond that was forged since Day 1 (of birth or conception) is a bond that's never broken. As the Malay saying goes, 'air dicincang takkan putus'. In a family there's a role played by parents and also the child, but as time passes and the child grows, the roles changed and shifted accordingly as the child becomes even more independent. Parents start to become less of an authority figure who dictates what is to be done and becomes more as an advisor.

But what happens when parents refuse to let go? When they feel threatened if their child becomes independent? When they still fight for their say in everything and insisted everything to be done 'their' way?

Tensions will surely flare. There's disharmony and resentment on both sides.

I know that some will say this "Chris, you are not a mother yet. If not, you will understand how we feel."

Yes you're right. I'm not a mother yet and I might not understand some of the 'mother's reasoning' I've heard my entire life. But I'm speaking from my point of view, a rather objective one it is.

Some parents will say, "I just want to protect my child from pain!"
If parents can still recall how it was when their toddler learn how to walk, how was the experience? I believe the poor tot would have stumbled, tripped and suffered a few bumps along the way before being able to walk. If you stopped them from taking those baby steps because you didn't want them to fall and get hurt, then the poor child will never walk. Crippled from too much love.
Same goes for when the child is all grown up. Whether we realize this or not, pain makes us stronger both mentally and emotionally. If parents protected their child too much up to the point where they have a say everything, then their child will be crippled. Again, from too much love.

Some parents will say, "I don't want them to make mistakes in their life!"
How infallible will your judgment be then? None of us knows what lies in the future. Being told how to live life is similar to having a backseat driver. It's annoying for the child and after a while they'll get sick of it. When they get sick of it, they rebel and when they do, that's when they become reckless.
What usually happened (based on my observation) is that, children who are brought up by over-controlling parents are usually the ones more reckless in their decisions. I've seen a lot of this happening in college and uni. They can lie through their teeth without breaking a sweat if their parents asked.
Mistakes can and do happen. There's no doubt about that. What we must do is not to dwell too much on that but to focus on learning so that it will not happen again. When the child is still a toddler, they must learn to understand that there's consequences for every action. Responsibility and independence should be given little by little over the years so that when they are young adults, they are ready and prepared to be responsible for their own life.

Some parents say, "Oh no, my little son/girl is with someone and I don't think that person is good enough for him/her!"
Parents, this is easy. Reflect on how it was for you when you and your partner was dating or planning to get married. How did you know you made a good decision? The fact is, we don't. We put our faith in something we believe and we made the effort.
Have faith in your child's judgment. And pray for them. And remember that your parents-in-laws may have the same reservations about you at the beginning :-)

So, whether we like it or not, at a certain point parents have to let go of their child. Let them live life. The measure of a parents' success is not how much money their child earns or what big shot jobs they do but what kind of person or parents their children in turn will be.

The Alphabets in My Life : F

Image taken from here

Oh dear, I almost forgot this post thread of mine. Yikes! 10 months already?! No wonder a lot of cobwebs and whatnots here.. Hehe. My bad. I know.

So, let's continue with this thread, shall we?

F is for:

Friends. Being a chatterbox, making friends when I was still a child was an easy and natural thing to do. One story my parents always recounted was on the first day we arrived in Song after moving from Sg. Amang, while my family was busy unpacking stuffs, suddenly I appeared with two durians. When my parents asked where on Earth did I get all that, I told them "My friend's mum gave it to me". From there began a lasting friendship between families.
However, as time goes by, I've realized making friends wasn't as easy now. Maybe back then I was still in the age of innocence, where fear was non-existent (fear of rejection I mean. Fear of hantu, jaws, buaya, penyamun je la back then).

My garang, no nonsense, kaki pukul face also could be a factor. Yes, I realize that. So only people who could break through or look past my appearance (muka garang), will know just how insane a friend I could be. At first glance, surely strangers will label me as sombong, garang, serious. Haha, how wrong could they be. As the saying goes, 'Never judge a book by its cover'.

Grade F = DIE!!! Sure my parents will make me die a thousand horrible bloody deaths!

F***SH*T!!! - one of the items in my SwearVocabBook. (Swearing is not nice. I know. But doctor say must vent anger wor, if not blood pressure go up up up. Hehe)

I can be very frank sometimes. Especially when asked for my opinion. I don't see the point of beating around the bush when a simple sentence will suffice to drive the point home. Unless the other person is prone to suicidal thoughts la (Later bunuh diri after listening to me how?)

Freak. I can be one sometimes. Haha

Fear. When I was a child, I am scared of things like hantu (I hate it when my sis cerita all those hantu stories from her college. Then whole night I would be sleepless and my ears become 'creative' in hearing things), jaws (after watching jaws, i takut air. Scared of swimming in the river. Come to think of it, sungai berbatu mana ada jaws?!), Crocodiles (blame it on the buaya stories) but I wouldn't think twice about masuk belukar. Sekarang baru tau kot-kot ada ular ka, naga ka, rimau ka dalam belukar tu. Cessss...

Love-hate relationship with facials. Need it but loathe the extraction process. Painful!

Hmm... What are the F's in your life?

Love Stuffs

Image taken from here

Had an interesting YM conversation with my friend who'd just broke up (for good) with his two-timing ex.
This particular friend of mine was my partner-in-crime back during those uni years. Sarcastic and i-don't-give-a-damn attitude, you bet those days were fun.
I listened and I gave my opinion and advice, MY kind of advice, where I don't mince or sugar-coat my words (things I only do for friends who are worthy to be advised. Those who asks but are forever in denial; I'll never bother).
So there were some relationship issues that were raised and as usual, my alter ego Chris the philosopher comes into the picture.
Here's some of the 'love stuffs' that was triggered during our conversation:

(1)
Love sure can change a person but when is the change bad?
It's bad when we lose our own identity and we changed (molded) into what the other party wanted. For a while it will be fine but then, dissatisfaction sets in. Then we whine and complain and suffer in silence until one day, hell breaks loose.

(2) I'd never going to meet the ONE
Some people get lucky and meet their soul mate the first time they fell in love.
The majority doesn't.
Accept that.

(3)
I thought he/she was the ONE.
Yeah, everything's perfect and rosy at the beginning.
Until the cracks starts to show.
But you ignored it.
You glossed up the surface thinking that the cracks won't show.
Until the cracks deepened and breaks and everything crumbles.
That's what you'll get from a cheap, fake porcelain.
Quality ones are hard to find.
Only an experienced, discerning eye can differentiate the real thing from the fake.
And any porcelain salesman from China knows that when we allow our emotions to influence our judgment, we'll probably end up getting ripped-off.
So follow your heart, but keep your head.

p/s:
I kind of felt like an 'agony aunt' now with another close friend facing love woes and crying and whining. Not that I don't love my friends, it's just irritating when day in day out I get the same complaint from the same person. Kalau dah aku nasihat tak paham2 jugak, aku bitch slap je karang baru tau...

The Greatest Speech Ever

I have always loved this speech.
For me, it 's one of the greatest speech ever.
Read transcript of this speech here.

Favourite quotes from the speech :

"But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice."

"Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy.
Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice.
Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.
Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children."

"Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force."

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Although this speech was delivered almost 46 years ago, it still rings true to this very day. I believe that everyone are created equal, thus it's quite sad when I see even young kids influenced by prejudice and racism.

There's something to be done about this and I doubt we can achieve that just by shoving the responsibility to the education system. Values are created and nurtured not through textbooks, but through interactions within a community. If a community fosters an environment of mutual respect, of course the children will pick up positive values.

Let us all play our part to create an environment of mutual respect for our children (even if the people at the top doesn't seem to be doing it).

Let us do it NOW!

Equation of Life : March

image taken from here

Hidup + Kerja + (10 x Marking Paper) + AJK Staf + AJK Majalah + AJK ApaNtahLagi + Jurulatih = Busy Tahap Infiniti

Dengan ini tuan-tuan dan puan-puan sekalian, secara sahnya saya tiada 'social life' langsung bulan ini. Waktu bekerja saya (di sekolah sahaja, yang siapkan kerja di rumah not included) bermula seawal 6.20 pagi... Paling awal saya tercongok depan gate rumah saya adalah pada pukul 5 petang setiap hari. Saya cuma ada waktu untuk duduk ketika saya:
a) breakfast/minum
b) mesyuarat
c) di Staff Room (paling lama 15 minit sahaja)

Perkara yang harus saya lakukan adalah:
a) Keceriaan Staff Room (terutamanya papan2 notis). Deadline sebelum cuti ini katanya...
b) Marking (kata Bos mesti kadar segera)
c) Latih budak2 utk Pertandingan Kawat Kaki Peringkat Bahagian (4 Hari selepas cuti berakhir. Semua jurulatih sungguh stress, tambahan pula sekolah jadi Tuan Rumah)
d) Selaku emcee (tetap dan berpencen), saya ada tiga event utk diacarakan, salah satunya seperti pada (c)
e) Update status kewangan AJK Majalah. Saya baru sahaja dilantik sebagai Bendahari, satu perkara yg tidak pernah saya lakukan dalam hidup saya. Satu lagi AJK bermakna makin bertambah list kerja saya.
f) AJK Staf. Selaku VP, nama saya lah yang sering terpampang di dalam Pelan Kualiti Tindakan. Berkali-kali dan di tambah pula dengan remark *tugasan sepanjang tahun*...
g) Mesyuarat mesyuarat mesyuarat. Punggung makin lebar sebab banyak sgt mesyuarat.

Kerana kesibukan ini juga, saya berura-ura akan bermalam sahaja di sekolah. Bukan lah di Staff Room (tapi kalau dah terdesak sangat apa nak buat lah), tetapi di rumah rakan sekerja. Ini bagi membolehkan saya membuat kerja (a) pada waktu malam. Nak driving malam2 balik rumah takut lah pulak sebab ada kes samun di jalan raya.

Semalam sebaik sahaja saya tamat mengajar, saya terus menghadiri mesyuarat (bukan satu tetapi dua mesyuarat berturut-turut). Akibatnya, saya terus tiada selera makan kerana terlalu lapar dan letih (no lunch + dinner). Oleh sebab itu, hari ini saya hampir2 termuntah di dalam kelas gara2 gastrik. Nasib baik la sempat berkejar ke tandas. Kalau tak, kecoh eh...

Kesibukan ini belum lagi ditambah dengan parliamentary-syle debate yang mana merupakan salah satu projek gemilang sekolah. Sebagai jurulatih bagi debate ini, harapan besar tersandar di bahu saya dan teman seperjuangan saya. Aduh, 'indah'nya hidup.

Bukannya saya mengeluh, sekadar berkongsi 'part and parcel' kehidupan seorang warga pendidik. Siapa kata jadi cikgu kerja senang?

Nak cuba?

Footprints in the Sand - Leona Lewis

- Got this link via STP's site (Thanks STP! It's a beautiful song!)

I've read the poem "footprints" before and I loved it. This song must've drawn its inspiration from the same poem. Been listening to this song again and again.

Dear God, thank you for carrying me in the times of deepest despair and not letting me go, every single time. Amen.

I *heart* this song.
Here's the lyrics

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I’m going
You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much I know
Along the way
Then I heard You say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled
With sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find My footprints in the sand

I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times
Have I been so afraid
And just when I have thought
I’ve lost my way
You give me strength to carry on
That’s when I heard You say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is filled
With sorrow and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find My footprints in the sand

When I’m weary
Well, I know You’ll be there
And I can feel You when You say

I promise you
I’m always there
When your heart is full
Of sadness and despair
I’ll carry you
When you need a friend
You’ll find My footprints in the sand

Flashbacks of a De-cluttered Mind

I don't know why or how this scene 'resurfaced' from the deepest recesses of my mind. Maybe it's because I've de-cluttered my mind. For some reasons I remembered this scene from my year 4 in primary school. Back then I was studying in a mission school in Kapit.

I had a classmate. I think it was during our Moral Ed class, when our teacher (for the love of me, I can't recall who), asked us about religion. So all of us stated our religion (Christian, Catholic, Methodist, SIB, Buddhist, Muslim, etc) when this classmate of mine stated matter of factly:

"I don't believe in God. I am an atheist".

Our teacher almost frothed in his mouth. He tried to convince my friend that it is wrong/blasphemous to NOT have a religion but he sputtered and stammered when my friend asked what/who is God, how do we know God exists, etc. He sure didn't do a good job at trying to 'reform' my friend. At least that's what I thought at that time.

I don't even know if my friend is still an unbeliever (in God).

Now I don't believe in judging others by their ethnicity, religion. All that matters to me is how a person treats others, or in other words, the 'person' within them. How often have you met a church-going person who behaves just the opposite? I mean I've met these people who are filled with jealousy, prejudice and hypocrisy. Keluar saja dari gate gereja terus maki dan mengumpat.

IMHO, the tension sparked by religion is just plain stupid and serves no purpose at all. You have a great God? Good, so do I. (I believe that) Every religion teaches its followers to love and live in peace. I believe that GOD IS LOVE. But where is the love when people kill each other in the name of their God? Where is the love when we label each other as infidels? Where is the love when we allow our perception to be clouded by prejudice?

It's about time for people to stop this "My God is greater than your God" thingy.

-------------------------------------------------------
p/s: I've de-cluttered most of the mess in my head (and life). Work is great so far. New boss in charge now so everything's improving. Even if that means I've got my hands full, I'm loving it. Hehe

I'm a Coach

Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...

HFDS - The Coach

Humanity, Foreground, Detail, and Shape

You perceive the world with particular attention to humanity. You focus on what's in front of you (the foreground) and how that is affected by the details of life. You are also particularly drawn towards the shapes around you. Because of the value you place on humanity, you tend to seek out other people and get energized by being around others. You like to deal directly with whatever comes your way without dealing with speculating possibilities or outcomes you can't control. You are highly focused on specific goals or tasks and find meaning in life by pursuing those goals. You prefer a structured environment within which to live and you like things to be predictable.

His Hotness 007

When they first announced that Daniel Craig will be the new Bond to replace Pierce Brosnan, my first thought was...

"Daniel who?"

Sean Connery, the original 007, making hearts go a flutter

I was skeptical because no one would be at par with the original 007, Sean Connery. I mean, Sean Connery IS 007. Sexy, suave and uber cool. Tall, dark and handsome. You geddit? Sean Connery, dark hair. Pierce Brosnan - dark hair. Roger Moore - dark hair.

On the other hand, Daniel Craig is blond. I've never seen a blond Bond before. I guess everyone in the press and 007 fanatic die hard fan held stones in their hands, ever ready to condemn Daniel Craig if he sucked as 007.

Imagine my surprise when I watched Casino Royale and I saw this...

Oooohhh... *faint*faint*

And soon he will be reprising his role as 007 again in the latest movie Quantum of Solace (what does it mean anyway?)

Mmmmm... Sedap

Menanti Hadirmu

p/s: Should I get contacts? hazel brownish ones? But my eyes are pretty sensitive and dry because of my allergies... How le?

Snapshots: Self Portraits?

Smile at the world because a life lived without smiling is a life wasted. Dwell not on worries and the trials of life. What benefit will come out of worrying over some things that are just not worth worrying. Just accept the facts that things happen for a reason (and it's gotta be a damn good reason) and there are things beyond our control. Live life, smile, laugh, roll in bed and sing that song.

Watch. Observe. Listen. The greatest classroom to learn life is the real world.

Take time to retreat into self. Reflect and relax the soul. Give that special TLC to self. Love yourself first and foremost. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. The best make up is the inner make up, not those on our skin. Let the inner beauty glow from within.

Get crazy. Don't give a damn what others may think. Be eccentric. Be mysterious. Never let others dictate how we live, feel and act. Be goofy. Fun is never this fun.

There's a certain time that calls for us to stare down the opponent. So, stand your ground and defend your values and principles. Don't be a self-defeatist. There's always a crouching tiger, hidden dragon in each of us.

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p/s: Am currently quite pissed of with someone who is supposed to work as part of the team. During the briefing by the PPG ppl, only one PQ need to go to the exam centre to observe and check the preparations at the exam centre. Since it's her own stesen bertugas, naturally the easiest way to do it is she oversee the preparations, furthermore she herself agreed to it. Penuh bersemangat lagi tu.. so WHY THE BLO*DY F*CK is she making a fuss out of it now?!

Aku tak paham la manusia macam ni. Suka sangat mencari publisiti murahan dan mempromosi diri at the expense of others. Tak boleh ke bersandar pada kemampuan diri sendiri? Perlukah nak mencanangkan perkhabaran yang belum tentu sahih dan benar.
Kau mungkin boleh menenun pelbagai pembohongan, tapi kau harus ingat, KARMA itu wujud!

The Alphabets in My Life: E

Been neglecting this post thread for a long time. I guess I was kinda stuck at E. Now, What are the things that I can associate with 'E'? Hmm...

E is for:

Eeeeeewwww - The word I always utter when I'm disgusted. I hate dirt, germs and especially dirty toilets (Currently cursing daily because one of the staff toilet is blocked and yet some idiots still want to do business there. WTF?! They think others are interested to find out what they ate for lunch/dinner? Beruk punya idiot!)

Eccentric - Some people maybe puzzled by my sometimes (if not all the time) eccentric behavior. Like how I have an almost ritual-like style when bathing/putting on makeup/etc that every step is to be followed to a T. Friends commented that I have a super-alien power kinda creative imagination. Haha... X-files la dey. Another habit of mine, everytime I hear or utter a phrase that's accidentally a part of a lyric, I'll sing it. Annoying or entertaining? Don't care. As I said, Better be gila-gila daripada gila. Correct, no?

Emotional - Sometimes I'm full of emotions and at times I can have totally zero emotions, as if it's in a vacuum. As I told one 'friend', " I can be an angel or an unfeeling bitch all rolled into one. I can be nice and I can be heartless. Never mess with me."

E - the grade that will sign my death warrant when I was still in school. Aku dah cakap mak bapak aku ni kejam kalau pasal result periksa.

Ego - All of us have ego. It's an indispensable part that makes up our psyche. I have it (otherwise I might as well be a doormat for everyone to step on and scrape mud off their boots). However, I hate egoistic idiots who because of their overinflated ego, thinks that they are the greatest creature on earth and thus, refuses to listen to reason and advice. Pigi mampos la!

Aaaa... Run out of ideas already. It's late. I'm sleepy.

Tell me, what are your E's?

Kaleidoscope: Aya Pemangkung Tawak

Note: Just got back from Mum's longhouse (no pics, didn't bring camera and even my handphone) for a grand-aunt's ngetas ulit ceremony. Been years since I last went back to Mum's longhouse so it was unsurprising that I (almost) entered the wrong bilik since the ruai was renovated a few years back. Haha... Malu siiiiaalll.
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The title of my post is in Iban, it means gong-beater uncle. I am reflecting on the behaviour of a person residing (maybe) within 10-kilometre radius from us. Must be cryptic, no?
This uncle is rather infamous in our neighbourhood, no wait, let me correct that, this uncle AND his family is rather infamous in our neighbourhood. He was of the sort that likes to show off what he got (or what he ain't got yet but he swears to God he'll get it soon).
This is one of the rare post that I will write in Iban. Lest my Dad comment that my Iban is getting be'tegar' a bit. Heheh

Nyadi jaku tu ukai deka nyadung penyai sapa-sapa. Ukai mega deka ngemalu ka sapa-sapa. Tang jaku kenang tu ngambi ka kitai tau betati ka pengelikun pendiau diri empu. Nyadi ke bendar ia, aku tu sigi rindu berati ka ulah orang (engka nya kini ngambi bidang psikologi and cognitive science). Nyadi pendiau sida Aya Pemangkung Tawak (APT) tu sebilik sigi lama udah aku perati ke. Baka apai labang anak sigi ga nyadi burik (betul ka enda peribahasa aku tu?), nyadi perangai APT tu sigi dititih ka bala anak ia. Baka kuih kek sigi nitih ka chuan iya deh.

Nyadi sida APT tu sebilik sigi bungah sereta peramah enggau orang tang anang asa ati, sida ia tu tau nyadi ba menara pemancar signal. Kategal ia, suah ga bini APT tu ngangau ka indai aku ari pagar rumah sida kategal ka betusoi ka 'berita angat'. Indai aku semina nyaut 'auk, auk pia' aja. Ukai semina kami sebilik, mayuh bala orang bukai sigi madah ka signal 'radio' sida sigi kuat amat deh. Siti da perangai APT tu ti enda berapa dikerindu ka orang ianya ia rindu amat betapat enggau orang. Ia rindu nampak ka sida bisi pemisi agi ari orang bukai taja kami nemu, semua nya UTANG. Ia balat rindu muji bala anak ia pandai ngiga laki laban laki ukai orang sengapa. Menantu ia bisi nya kereja perintah, tuan pulis, pengajar sereta orang (Iban) NZ. Lebuh maya siku anak APT tu suba kala betunang enggau anak pensyarah, nya meh aya tu nyau kerah2 muji pemintar anak ia ngiga laki laban menantu ia ukai purih sengapa. Nyau geli hati bala orang ke ninga. Kasih endar, nadai endar ga utai ke membanggakan ia. Enti apai indai ke bukai, gaga agi enti anak bisi pemandai lalu kereja ti menyana.

Nyadi APT tu sigi enda tau bisi 'tawak', mit ke besai, sigi dipangkung ia. Tang diatu bisi tampak runggu APT tu laban siko menantu iya tu tadi udah ditemu serta disiasat orang kategal penyalah 'makai besuap'. Ukai mensia di dunia tu buta tauka paloi enda nemu ni sukat pemayuh gaji lalu manding ke nya enggau reta ke dikembuan. Bisi ga ba pikir aku, engka pengawa menantu ia nya bisi tebantai laban perangai APT tu. Tai mayau dilamun ba para pen nemu nempuh bau ia, anang ke agi tu tak dipangkung disadung aya nya berita menantu ia ti mayuh duit enggau rumah. Nama meh penyadi, tawak besai nyau udah rimpak. Nadai entu tetaing munyi tawak APT diatu tang agi ga ia kadang-kadang mangkung tawak. Baka ko ia nganu apai ku suba,

" Ka ngaga extension meh tu unggal, ngaga batu dua tingkat. Tang nya meh, agi nganti tiang segala besai (Roman-style pillar) bedau datai."

(Maya nya kami baru udah nyambung rumah dua tingkat, ba baruh simen tang tingkat atas papan).

That was two years ago. Engka nyau burok tiang nya kelalu lama dalam chuan.
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Forgot to post this picture of a wonderful halter neck dress I wore for Ron's wedding. I love this dress :-)

Photo taken with Daryl and Marinus