Saturday, March 24, 2007

LYRICS - I'll Be (Edwin McCain)

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive -- not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

[Chorus]

And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead.
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

The greatest fan of your life.
...greatest fan of your life.


******************************
This is quite an old song but I simply love the song and it's lyrics. So romantic and sweet. Dreaming that someone would play guitar and sing this to me.

I'll SO LOVE it! *swoon*swoon*

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Dear Father

Dear Lord,

I know that I must forgive those who wronged me...
Even if again and again they did it unto me...
Seventy times seven forgive them I must
Offer my other cheek should they slap one
Love thy enemies you've told me to
"Forgive them thee must", Thy told me

But Father,
This pain is getting unbearable
The urge to retaliate and sink low to their level is ever stronger
This burden too heavy to bear
But bear them I must if Thy tells me so

So Father
please give me the strength to carry this cross
Send Your Holy Spirit to comfort me
You always wipe my tears and gave me shelter
Do bless me with the ability to forgive
For forgiving is hard when the hurt is so deep
My flesh is weak and my spirit unwilling
So give me the strength to carry on

Dear Father
I leave it unto Your hands to do what You think is fit
For whatever was done to me is between them and You
For I must not judge, lest I'll be judged

Father,
I put my trust in You
Remember our favourite phrase?

"I put my trust in Him, I shall not be afraid. For what can a mere human do unto me"
-Psalm 56:11

I put my faith in that promise Father,
so strengthen me
and carry me
When I am most weak
Never forsake me

Thank you Father.
Amen

********************************************

The greatest betrayal happened today.
The Judas Kiss was given. Betrayal. Lies. Pain. Anger. Sadness. All mixed up inside me.
I don't know how a person from my home state, of my own race, could give me this ultimate betrayal of all. To cap it off, she didn't even have the guts to tell me and I only got to know it from others. It's not the covert thing she did that hurt me. It's the betrayal of trust and the lack of dignity to own it up. Hypocrites were never my favorite people to begin with. Traitors even more so. But I thank the Lord for there are still others who stood by me. Kate, my Muslim friends, Mum & Dad.

I broke up when I was talking to Mum & Dad. They told me to be strong, have faith and trust in God's plan. Not to retaliate but to seek God's strength and comfort. Thank you Lord for the gifts of family and friends (the real jewels) in my life. For in their words and encouragement, I find your voice.

*also Mum told me to keep away from that person. Not to bother with her anymore. because I am quite prone to violence so it is better to keep the distance, lest the Devil's whispers become actions. Thanks Mum & Dad. Love you lots.

** Another friend told me that sometimes I'm too kind. This is not the first but surely this is the ultimate betrayal this girl ever did to me. I don't know. When I care for others, I just take it in silence until the ultimate blow. Then only I learn my lesson. Am I too kind?

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Chicken Rice Recipe (Chicken & Dip)

** Courtesy of Barbara Sian. Thanks Barb!

To Puteri: The recipe you requested :)

Chicken
  1. Rub 1 midsize whole chicken with salt.
  2. Boil 1/3 pot of water with 1 tsp salt.
  3. Add thumb size ginger, whole clove of garlic & 2 stalks of spring onion.
  4. Immerse chicken & let boil for 10 mins.
  5. Cover & simmer over low fire for 1 hour.
  6. When cooked, take chicken out & immerse in cold water for 5 mins.
  7. Pat dry & rub with sesame oil. Cut into pieces.
  8. Add MSG, vege, pepper & fried onion into gravy as the soup.
Sambal/Dip
  1. Pound chilli, a slice of ginger & 3 cloves garlic.
  2. Mix with sweet soy sauce, lime juice & few drops of sesame oil.
  3. You can try to mix with 1/2 lime skin minced well into the dip. Taste better for me.












Pic: The lime used for the dip. If the skin with the pulp (after the juice is squeezed) is minced finely & mixed with the dip, it gives the dip that extra 'kick' :)
Garnish
Garnish with sliced tomato & cucumber.


************************************

I've put this in my other blog long, long time ago. As I checked the old posts, this caught my attention. It's rather long but beautiful & refreshing to the soul. Read on...

CONVERSATION WITH GOD

Prayer is, in the strictest sense, a humble religious petition of man toGod to seek divine benevolence and benefits he needs for life, both temporal and eternal. It is a conversation with God, either by accepted prayer forms,or from the heart. Here, then, in conversational verse, is a hypothetical talk the Lord might have with us, His children..........

It is not necessary my child, to know much in order to please me much;it is enough that you love me fervently. Speak here to me then, as you would speak to your most intimate friend, to your mother, to your brother.

So, you want to ask me to do something for someone? Tell me his name. Is it your parents, your brothers, your friends? Tell me what you want me to do for them now. Ask much, very much: do not hesitate to ask. I love generous hearts who somehow can come to forget themselves to look after the needs of others. Speak sincerely to me then, of the poor you would console,of the sick you see suffering, of the strayed you yearn to see return to the right path, of those absent friends you want at your side again. Say at least one word for each, the ardent word of a friend. Remind me that I have promised to listen to every petition that arises from the heart, and is not a prayer for those whom your heart especially loves such a pray?

And for you: do you need a particular favor? Make a list, as it were, of your needs, and come and read it in my presence.

Tell me frankly that you are prone to anger, that you love sensuality and pleasure, that you are perhaps proud, variable, negligent . . . Ask me to come to the help of those efforts, many or few, which you undertake to free yourself from these faults.

Do not be ashamed, poor soul; there are in Heaven so many saints who had these same defects; but they prayed humbly, and little by little they saw themselves freed from them.

Do not hesitate to ask Me for spiritual and material goods; for health,memory, success in your work, enterprises and studies; all these I can give and I do give -- as long as they do not hinder, but rather assist your sanctification. Precisely today, what do you need? What can I do for you?If only you knew how much I would like to help you!

Do you have, right now, some project in mind? Tell me everything in detail. What preoccupies you? What are you thinking? What do you want? What do you want me to do for your parents, your brothers, your children, your superiors? What would you want to do for them?

And for me, do you feel an attraction for my glory? Do you not want todo something for those friends whom you love much but who perhaps live separated from me?

Tell me what in particular attracts your attention today, what you desire most ardently and what means you have of obtaining it? Tell me if your plans are not working and I will tell you the causes of your difficulties. Do you not want to interest me in your quest? My dear one, I am the Lord of hearts and I move them, without violating their freedom, to wherever I please.

Are you perhaps sad, or in bad humor? Tell me, tell me, you inconsolable soul, tell me your sorrows in all their details. Who wounded you? come close to my Heart, and find in it a refreshing balsam for the wounds in yours.Then, you will confess that, like me, you forgive everything, you forget everything. In appreciation, you will receive my consoling benediction.

Are you perhaps afraid? Do you feel in your soul those vague stirrings of sadness which, however unjustified, can be so tearing? Throw yourself in the arms of my Providence. I am with you. I am at your side. I see everything. I hear everything. I shall not abandon you for one moment.Do you feel ignored by persons who loved you once but who now have forgotten you without cause? Pray from them and I will bring them back to you if they are not obstacles to your salvation.

And don't you have, perhaps, some joy to communicate to me? Why don't you let me share it with you, like a friend?

Tell me what has consoled and gladdened your heart since yesterday, since you last visited me. Perhaps you have had an agreeable surprise; perhaps you have seen grave doubts dissipated, or you have received good news -- a letter, or perhaps a gesture of love. Maybe you have overcome some difficulty, or come out of a trying situation. All of this is my work. I have obtained this for you. Why not show me your gratitude and say, like a child to its father, "Thank you, my Father, thank you." Gratitude brings forth new gifts since benefactors, as you know, like to see themselves appreciated.

Do you not have a promise to make to me? I read, you know, the bottom of hearts. Men are easily deceived, but not God. Speak to me, then honestly;do you have firm intentions of avoiding the occasion of sin? Of denying yourself that object that harmed your soul? Of not reading again that book which excited your imagination? Of avoiding that person who disturbed the peace of your soul?

Will you be kind to that person who, because he offended you, you have regarded as an enemy?

And now, my child return to your work, to your office, to your family,to your studies -- but do not forget these fifteen minutes of intimate conversation we have had in the privacy of the sanctuary. Keep as much as possible, silence, resignation, modesty, charity towards your neighbors.Love and honor my Mother, who is also your Mother. And please come again tomorrow with an even more fervent heart, to unite it to mine. In it you will find every day new love, new gifts, new consolation. Here I await you.

-------------- source: Catholic Online

Thursday, March 15, 2007

JANGAN-JANGAN MENANGIS

Pernah kah kau dikecewakan
Pernahkah hati mu terluka
Oleh temanmu yang pernah bersamamu
Maafkanlah dia jangan benci


Aku juga pernah mengalami
Seperti yang pernah kau rasa kan
Namun ku tetap memandang pada Yesus
Sendirian namun tak kesepian


Jangan-jangan kau menangis
Jangan-jangan kau bersedih hadapilah dengan senyum
Pada mu ada kasih
Jangan-jangan kau kecewa
Jangan-jangan putus asa
Yesus masih menunggu mu
Ingin membalut luka di hatimu o……..o
Ingin membalut luka di hatimu

p/s: Singing this song to heal the pain I'm experiencing right now, especially when I'm hurting. Laughing on the outside but no one knows what's in my heart. None except my Lord, my refuge, my sanctuary...

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

PAINFUL FRIENDS

Damn...

I am so frustrated with juvenile, childish people. Those who'd known me for years know very well that I am so intolerant of people who behaved childishly with me. Konon2nya adults. Much older than me but acted so juvenile. Macam mana nak survive dan menjadi guru yang baik???

Go and play with small kids will ya? I don't have time for the stupid manipulative games that you want to play...Shooo...shooo... pi jauh2...

To be nice all the time to these childish people is so taxing on my energy... Some more I'm having my lower back pain again (James, help!), my assignments and projects, I really don't have the patience to deal with this. Felt like bashing them up but then, that wouldn't look nice on my resume ya. Don't worry-lah, hope it won't go to that extent. Otherwise, all those anger management things will just go to waste.

Now, how must I deal with this. I can either:
  1. Keep quiet and hope things will get better (miracle now please)
  2. Deal with it. Tell them and just get it over with (easier said than done)
  3. Be a grand diva and throw a tantrum of great magnitude (dramatic, enjoyable, but irrepairable damage)
  4. Bash them up (good prospect but bad for my record la)
  5. Get a new set of friends (I will be labeled as buang kawan senegeri)
*sigh* being friends with certain species of girls has always been a pain in the a$$ for me. Why can't they just chill and not be so juvenile-ish about things?

EDIT: Am getting cool now and I've edited some real nasty things from this post. That was kinda cheap shot at those who hurt me.
As the Lord said to answer the question "How many times must I forgive my brother? Seven times?". The Lord saith " No, seventy times seven".


Lord, help me to forgive those who hurt me (deliberately or otherwise) and forgive them, for they know not what they do. Amen.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Almost a month in UM

Been here almost a month and already met wonderful people and some f**ked up ones as well.

The course is 12-weeks continuous classes, 1 week exam, 1 week break and back to classes again. But I bet we're still relaxed compared to those in the Institut Perguruan. The have the whole she-bang to live with.

My classes are ok, some lecturer are waaaaay cool. I especially liked my grammar & phonetics lecturer, Dr. G... 4 hours straight in her class and the time just flies by. Best...

My kolej kediaman is situated on top of the hill in UM. The water supply sucks, my room is dark (I hate dark rooms), I have a freaky-rajin roommate (seriously rajin study ni) and almost invisible roomate (unless she bawak her stupid bird-shrill loud mouth friend who just never shut up even tho' I am clearly sleeping. BodoBit*h!), the kolej is far from my fac, the bus service is frustrating. Which makes me wonder, my hostel in uni is usually
a) far
b) sucks
c) on a hill
d) any combination of the above
now it's e) all of the above. (Yech!)

And the allowance & agreement still not in sight... This programme is actually another 'ad-hoc-racy' (read: almost last minute thingy la), which almost explains why things are so not in order.

I missed all the yummy foods back home. I want to eat pansuh, kasam, etc... Huhu, anyone wanna kirim me those glorious foods???